2009-10-19

Comically Craptastic Comments #1

For every smart Leafs analyst there's an idiot that makes a complete ass of themselves by posting Comically Craptastic Comments about the Leafs. Now, it's time to take these guys down, one comment at a time.

Welcome to Truculence is Everything's newest feature, Comically Craptastic Comments (new name pending, comment suggestions below, please?). On PensionPlanPuppets.com, "kidkawartha" does "Mouth-Breathers Anonymous", a feature where he dives into the wasteland of thought known as the "Comment" pages on sports websites. He does a great job, but even the best need some help, so I'm here to provide it. Let's get right into some fail, Nation.

Faceoff.com brings us this "brilliant" insight from a poster named "Tim."
"Thanks Leaves for the #1 draft pick next year and the year after that, enjoy Kessel. Go Bruins Go!!!"
"Leaves"? Ugh. It's a long season, buddy. Don't start dreaming over Taylor Hall and whoever the hell is in the draft next season. We will be enjoying Kessel, my friend, when he scores in bunches, and gets a hat-trick on the Bruins in his first game against them.

Next up, TSN.ca's laugher of a comments section for the Leafs/Rangers game. Featuring "MaxPower77" and his "insightful" thoughts on Luke Schenn.

"Looks like playing dodgeball in practice didn't have the desired effect. Maybe the Leafs can play Red Rover or Hopscotch instead? Another -2 game for Schenn... It looks like the Leafs have continued their tradition of drafting busts in the first round"
Schenn's a bust because he's struggling a bit early on in the season and because of his plus/minus!? Ridiculous. If it were like that, then Tampa Bay should know that Steve Stamkos is a bust because he was a -2 on Saturday against Pittsburgh. The lack of logic just baffles me."MaxPower", more like "NoPower"!

Let's go next to the new (and not-so improved) TheStar.com and this gem from "JohnnyBgood". What he has to say is anything but "good"...
"Forfeit the remaining games and save the embarrassment. You will not win a game this season the way you are playing. "
What. The. Hell!? Forfeit!? I don't know what else to say other than: You're out of your goddamn mind.

Back to TSN we go, as "ridersby10" gives us his "thoughts" on the Leafs and Jim Hughson. (If you can call them that...)
"The guy that I feel bad for is Jim Hughson - hands down, the best play-by-play guy around. Fans at least have a chance to switch off the TV when the Leafs play...poor old Jim has to watch/call the whole thing"
Feel bad for him? I think Hughson is too busy going all Pierre McGuire on the other teams' stars to even pay attention to the Leafs. If anything, you should feel sorry for the viewers, who have to endure his weekly love-in.

More TSN fun with "PuckHog7" and his thoughts on Schenn:
"Luke Schenn = PYLON. What a bust."
So much fail for a six word statement. To be fair, though, who the hell listens to a guy who calls himself "PuckHog7"? I bet he barely gets aany respect on his rec league team.

To end our first voyage into crap, this time from TorontoSun.com and "Get your Burkey Dogs here" with yet another rant on Schenn:
"Another good night of comedy. These losers may not win a game all season. Schenn is pathetic to all you Leaf lovers. He is getting shell shocked out there and his skills are starting to really show. But you all will turn a blind eye saying he should be captain, what a joke."
BWUH!? The comedy wasn't on the ice, it's with this one damn comment, pal. Irrationally attacking Luke Schenn? Thats' a foul. Mentioning the words "Schenn" and "Pathetic" in the same breath? Another foul. He's lucky that Schenn doesn't go around and read random internet comments about him. Otherwise, "Burkey Dogs" here would be a smoldering pile of nothing. I'm not even gonna go on with the rest of this comment. It's that f--ing terrible.

That'll do it for the first edition of the CCC (or a better name, please leave some suggestions in the comments below!). I'm not going to add a quote here at the end like I usually do, but I leave you with this: If an idiot said "Leafs Suck" and no-one's around? Who the f--k cares!?

5 comments:

  1. I'd suggest Komically Kraptastic Komments (as inspired by Kid Kawartha) but using the obvious acronym might cause an apocalypse of racist southern cracker zombies. (NO BRAINS!!!! NEVER NEEDED THEM BEFORE!!!)

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  2. Also, any 32 year-old who names himself after one of Homer Simpson's fantasies need not be taken seriously at all.

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  3. @Kid Kawartha's first comment.

    LOL to the suggestion. But I don't really want to attract unwanted publicity with this feature.

    Though I will feature the little italicized stuff then give you credit for the original idea. :)

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  4. I'm as big a Leafs fan as it gets, and I really can't get behind what you're saying. Most (not all) of the comments you quoted have some merit behind them.

    It sucks to have our team made fun of, but lets be real. They deserve it.

    Calling Schenn a bust is silly, but it's fair to call his current play to attention.

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  5. @TMLfanFromSuds:

    This is my first time doing this feature, so the stuff I choose to go after will be kinda rough.

    The upcoming Leafs@Canucks game will provide many great cannon fodder from the chirpers, though. :)

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