The CCC #2: Mother-Nuckers (NSFW)

For every smart Leafs analyst there's an idiot that makes a complete ass of themselves by posting Comically Craptastic Comments about the Leafs. Now, it's time to take these guys down, one comment at a time.

Note: This edition of the CCC contains no trace of tampering whatsoever, so fuck off, Gillis.

Leafs Nation, I'm a hopeful man, even in these times of turbulence. But that doesn't mean I can't get pissed off every now and then about idiot fans. This is a special edition of the CCC, as we take a look (or a "Laff") at the idiocy that the Canucks fans have spewed in the wake of their team's 3-1 victory over our beloved Leafs. Of course with that win, the 'Nucks fans have come out of the woodwork and unleashed their pathetically inept B.S. all over comment pages. Brace yourselves, it's gonna get really shitty here. For the purpose of this article, I'll skip the Toronto papers' sites and focus on the complete and utter fail that Vancouver fans have subjected Leaf fans to.

First up, our friends over at Faceoff.com. Let's start with some Canuck-A-Schmuck "creatively" (well, as creative as Canucks fans can get...) named "Shenn Gets Pounded"

FEELHERBM We dont hate toronto we hate our tax dollars being manipulated to toronto and the teachers fund by pro leaf cbc and hired personal NOW WAS SHENN SCHOOLED AND NO OTHER LEAF EVEN CARED IT WAS GREAT HEEEE HAHHH

First up, what's with the poor literacy? Apparently, beating the Leafs gives Canucks fans brain damage. It's just too bad we didn't win, we probably could've saved a million Vancouverites from this gripping pandemic. That, and jizzing over Roberto "Madonna" Luongo. (Jim Hughson would be proud) Also, "Shenn Gets Pounded"? With a handle like that, you're sure to get invited to all the freak conventions in Vancouver, otherwise known as "Canucks Home Games".

More illiterate Vancouverite fun from "Shenn is No Hockey Player"

Prdiction Boston will trade high paying players.Take leafs draft picks fine tune and win cup in 3 years this from a hab fan.Yup leaf fans Burk
is smarter than Gainey.Burk is a good Gm he made CHIRELLIE better.Leaf fans when will youse wake up.Here come the idiot posters

I really have no idea what point he's trying to make here. I mean, it was nice of the BC government to close all those asylums, but it's so incoherent that my brain hurts from trying to analyze it. Also, I have no idea who the "Burk" or "Shenn" this plugger keeps referring to.

To end our Faceoff.com comments, here's a short and shit one from "Leafs Rule"

bad luck? haha, nice excuse! laffs are just plain bad.

If this were the Olympics, I'd give you a 3 for the shit-as-fuck spelling and a 2.5 for the lazy-as-fuck (even for Kyle Wellwood) use of the time-old cliche of "Laffs", which means you won't be displacing Mason Raymond from the podium in the new year.

TSN.ca brings us this comedy of ineptitude from "Canuckle_Sandwich":

Geez, I thought flames and oilers 'fans' were brutal! leafs 'fans' are making me rethink the WHINIEST AND MOST DILLUSIONAL 'FANS' in the league title. Thanks for all the laugh! I've enjoyed reading the posts this morning... IT'S LIKE MY COFFEE WAS BREWED WITH THE TEARS OF LEAFS NATION. LOL!

Considering that Vancouver fans spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing about Toronto, I'd say you're pretty much
an idiot. Plus, who the hell puts salt in their coffee, especially in Vancouver?

"Nuckleman" is the next Mother-Nucker to make his presence known with this asinine comment:

Canucks, the new hockey center of the world! The leafs should be demoted to the AHL after we walk all over them. The cup will be ours

See, this is just classic Mother-Nuckin' crappery at its worse right here. The only "cup" Vancouver is going to receive in the near future is the massive cup of icecream that Kyle Wellwood chokes down before practice. Also, "walk all over them", you might want to change that to "dive all over them" or else Mason Raymond will get jealous.

Behind enemy lines we go, as the Vancouver Province (failures at life) gives us some fucking terrible shit right here. First, let's go to "cdnkid"

I watched that so called hockey game tonight. What the hell is that! The leafs have to be the worst team I have ever watched. I would rather watch the Hartford Whalers Thank god The Canucks only play them twice a year. I can’t believe anyone in there right mind would pay to watch those useless *** night in and night out. I feel sorry for the fans. They actually think there is something to be proud of. *** for 42 years. Not even close. Oh I know you won a cup. That’s because there were only 5 teams to beat. To stupid draft any good players. No goaltending no defence and no one that can score. Not only that no prospects and no draft choices. The funny thing is they traded what looks like the first overall pick in 2010 for Kessel! a 60 point man plus a 2nd rounder and what will be no doubt the first over all pick in 2011. All because Burke is a yank and Kessel is a yank. Looks like another 40 years of ***. Good luck all you dumb ass maple leaf fans. Your going to need it.
Ps. Its going to be the 80’s all over again. When the fans show up with bags over there heads. Only this time the bags will be plastic so they can be put out of there misery.

This poor misfit suffers from a disease that's been diagnosed as "Nucks-itis,", a disorder which causes people diagnosed with it to ramble on and on without any fucking coherence whatsoever. Don't let this happen to you!

We've got more crappy comments from a surrender-monkey who calls himself "Yeah But":

Disregard my previous comment. I admit I'm a bitter Leafs fan. My club is atrocious and generally dysfunctional. Burke is an embarrassment and we're going nowhere once again. Even if we get the first draft pick next year we'll somehow blow that.
Vancouver indeed is superior to Toronto and I guess I've got to get used to it. The Leafs are where they belong.

"Bitter Leafs Fan"? Don't try to steal gimmicks, pal. Superior to Toronto? Fuck off. The only thing Van City is superior over us is in only one category: The highest douchebag quotient in Canada (eat it, Ottawa and Montreal!)
Not even the YouTubes are safe from the Canuckery, as demonstrated (fucking horribly, I might add) by this comment from "45skyfire"

so...to all those "Laff Nation" fans who claimed that this was gonna be the year the Maple "Laffs" were gonna do sumthin.....your right, they are....after all SOMEBODYS gotta be the worst team...worst start in franchise history!!!!...lets make it to 0-10 Maple "Losers"!!!....Go Canucks Go!!!

The insight of "45skyfire" (Probably the most emo Canuck fan around...) is fucking "genius" (By Vancouver standards, which are shit).
To conclude our cavalcade of Canucks crap comments, we go to Canada's broadcaster, CBC.ca, where "Whiskey Echo" shows us that it's important to be original:

A question for the so-called "Leafs Nation"...

What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a triangle?

A triangle has 3 points.

MWAHAHAHAHA ! (Thanks to The Province for that gem.)

Ooookay, Whiskey. Keep sipping the Kool-Aid, it's obvious that it affects your ability to make a half-way decent joke.

That about wraps up the CCC's salute to the 7th Canuck.

Many thanks to Kidkawartha for assisting in the creation of this special salute. Until next time, 'Nucks fans, stay classy.

The CCC: Taking The Fight To The Idiots, One (Shitty) Comment At A Time.


  1. holy mother of GOD i "laffed" reading this. (see what i did there with the word "laffed" vs "laughed"? took me 18 minutes to come up with something so clever)

    don't ever stop with The CCC -- it truly makes my day.

    A Habs fan who likes Toronto more than Vancouver... however depressing that may be for you.

  2. Right on. Stupidity can not be tolerated, especially when it's hypocritical stupidity

  3. What? Vancouver exists? There's a team called the Canucks?

    Who cares?

  4. When I brew my coffee in the morning, I put a pinch of salt in with the grounds. My father in law was the first I saw do this. He said it makes the coffee less bitter, and he was right. I think it was something he learned in the military.

    Just sayin'...

  5. I don't know, I thought the triangle joke was kind of funny.

    /Leafs fan

  6. Excellent work, my young apprentice. My first choice wasn't so bright-
    The second one, despite some early distractions,
    is turning out well. He has some interesting musical talents, too-
    Together, we will wipe out those traitorous nests.

  7. Oh, you're 18. That explains everything.

  8. This gets posted, the Leafs win the next game. Coincidence?
    Well, at least you're drawing the Canucks fans who can operate a computer, as seen by the comment above.

  9. Hey, at least those Canuckers won't be making triangle jokes anytime soon. :)

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