2009-10-30

A Letter to Keswick Lee (NSFW)

NSFW Jiri Tlusty sez: May contain NSFW Language, mmkay?

Hey Keswick Lee,

How's it goin', Lee? How do you like the Dallas Stars? Hope you enjoy them, because you remind me of a certain player from there, y'know, Mike, big diver and shit. (Olympic-class diver) Well, Lee, I'm just writing to say one thing, and one thing only: Fuck off.

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!! I have never seen the Stanley Cup come to Toronto (unless it is in the Hall of Fame) and the future looks just as bleak!! I can take losing (and actually cheer for it) if I think that it may benefit the team in the future. WELL with no first or second round pick in 2010 and no 2011 first round pick (yes you are welcome Boston) and VERY little on the way of prospects in system...it is time for me to bail. So I am putting my allegiance up for the highest bidder...just like the over paid underproducing Leaf free agents. I will remove all Leaf Memorablia from my home and replace it with the team of choice of the winning bidder. I will root for my "new team" whenever they are on TV. I will argue with the guys at work that my new team is the best, no matter how bad/good they are (this one is easy, remember I was a Leaf fan). The best part for me is now I can laugh at the Maple Laughs. Any money raised will be given to the Southlake Regional Cancer Center in Newmarket. PLEASE SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY LOL!!! No returns!! I will not go back to the Leafs!!"

What a load of utter goddamn bullshit. (Texas-sized bullshit) Seriously, if you can't fucking hang tough and stick with your fucking team, then for all intents and purposes, you're a fucking bandwagoner. (Never even got on the bandwagon) I've heard about selling your Leaf fandom for charity. It's a noble cause, but it's fucking rotten to the core. (Just ask the UpsetFan people. Jerks.) You say you can handle losing, then WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SELLING YOUR LOYALTY ON THE GODDAMN EBAY!? As a wise man once said, "What a shitload of fuck!"

As the Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning, I fully endorse any course of action against you. Oh and one more thing: If you can't handle the fucking fire, stay out of the goddamn kitchen, you fucking quitter.

Good riddance, you bandwagoning piece of shit. The Leafs Nation has no room for cheese-eating surrender monkeyshits like you. Have yourself a good day, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. KTHXBye.

Regards,

Kavel Pubina
Junior Director of Anti-Bandwagoning

PPP Amalgamated Heavy Industries and
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